Early this year, I ended my long term relationship. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, it wasn’t pleasant and I’ve pretty much changed my entire life to try to make sense of it. For a long time, I was fine. Probably too fine in fact (and according to my friends, I was WAY too fine). Then I crumbled. My work life was beyond stressful, I had to pack, move house; I started dating again for the first time in nearly 9 years.
I went from feeling positive and fine to barely being able to get out of bed. I cried at work. I cried on the train home from work. I pretty much cried non-stop. And I’m really not a crying kind of gal. I suffered from bouts of anxiety that left me unable to breathe. I drank, I smoked, I ate bad food, I ate no food. Looking after myself wasn’t exactly high on my agenda, so you can imagine where blogging sat.
I have some wonderful, amazing friends (and family) who have no idea how much they helped me. Those nights when they just came and sat with me while I cried. Or managed to make me laugh for the first time in days. Without them, things might be looking very different right now.
Writing about makeup and food and my life just hasn’t been possible for the past few months. The creativity I usually feel got completely stripped away and the thought of sitting down to write left me completely blank. I felt like a shadow of my previous self.
The past few weeks have been different. Like I’m turning a corner. I’ve seen three of my all-time favourite bands play, I’ve been seeing someone who makes me laugh and smile genuine smiles again and I’ve travelled to both Canada and Turkey in the past month. The Canadian trip had been planned for ages so I could see my brother (the lucky shit) who lives in Vancouver but turned into a bit of a journey of self-discovery and healing. And the Turkish holiday not only showed me I can be brave (going paragliding when you’re terrified of heights is not the one) but also that taking risks (like going on holiday with someone you only met a few months ago) can sometimes be well worth the reward.
I want to get back to blogging regularly but I can’t promise it will be all beauty related. I’m not quite sure of the direction I want to take it right now, but I’ve realised it needs to be more of the things I love – music, food, beauty – in order for it to be truly fulfilling.
If you’re still here after such a long break, thank you. It really means a lot. I’m hoping to get some more posts up over the next couple of weeks. See you soon!